Co-worker (yesterday): How long do you think it will take for them to fix my computer?

Me (today): Your tablet PC has returned (I sent it back out Wednesday, I think they flew it there in a Concorde jet). I am currently reimaging it and installing Hedgehog. If it works you must build a small statue with my likeness out of grilled cheese sandwiches honouring me and placed in the lunch room for consumption.

Me: Have a supercalafragilistickexpialadocious weekend!!!

Friend: Wow, good spelling! I’m impressed!

Me: That’s what happens when one has the I.Q. of a box of cornflakes, you pick up a lot of useless information. I am just full of meaningless data.

Another old entry that is probably amusing only to myself…lol. As a note about it, it turned out to be gallstones and I had my gallbladder removed. Now if only I could have a good portion of my a** removed…hmmm….

Date: 2002-03-15 12:10
Subject: Captain Montezuma and the Puke Brigade
Security: Public
Mood: sick
Music: Office radio music..sounds like The Beach Boys

Well I managed to get my essay done and it is actually one of the best essays I have ever written. Grace under pressure.

I am still quite ill and I have warned my co-workers to stay away from my desk if they know what is good for themselves as my stomach problem seems to have some interesting side effects. They seem quite compliant. Perhaps I will settle it with a nice infusion of chocolate. That ought to make me feel muuuuuuch better.

Let’s see what unprofound thoughts can I muster up today (mainly to entertain myself). How about the format of my postings here. No, I don?t’ expect that some large audience is going to find my silly writings very prolific or even an audience of more than three but I have chosen the format of writing to an unseen unknown yet adoring public. So, my few friends here reading this gibberish, please bear with me, I am suffering from delusions of grandeur. Possibly another side effect of my upset tummy. Ya, ya, that’s it! Captain Montezuma and the Puke Brigade made me do it.

Well, my non-existent hoards of fangirls and fanboys I must bid you adieu and the lavatory a fond familiar hello. The chocolate theory did not work so well.

Okay, so an update on me since it has been quite awhile….

I am back at work after my wonderful matenity leave. I really like my job and the people I work with but I would much rather be at home with my kids. In fact, I would much rather be stinking rich and never have to work again. Okay, keep the rich and leave out the stinking.

My littlest one had bronchiolitis and was on ventilin every four hours for a week. I ended up getting bronchitis from it all and passing that on to one of my friends. At least no one can say I don’t give.

I just finished my drama course at university and have enrolled in a spring course. A psychology course about learning, particularly learning in non-human animals. This means I will have a better understanding of half the people I come across each day.

My allergy to fragrances which started during my pregnancy has not gone away and in fact has gotten worse. At least I have an understanding boss who is trying to help in anyway he can. We now have a sign on our office door which basically says ‘if you are wearing perfume etc.. then bugger off’. Of course it is worded in a much more PC way than that.

I bought a new plant. It is called a money tree. So far it is not living up to its promise. Hopefully this one won’t die the horrible, horrible death all my other plants have. Plants truly fear me. I once got a mini cactus and it died in a week. Cacti are supposed to be one of the sturdiest plants. I took care of it exactly as instructed and it still died. Maybe it knew it belonged to me and decided dying would be easier. Some people have green thumbs, I have the black thumb of death.

Well that is it for now, I am sure I will think of something I left out later and post again when I remember.

A note from The Chronicler: Crime never stops for a donut and coffee even in the donut shop capital of the world and so the high calibre services of Almighty are required elsewhere in Region City. The Powers That Be (TPTB) have deemed it necessary that she pass on her responsibilities of providing high-tech panel board weaponry for our hero Panel Board Man onto an apprentice. The Apprentice is ready, willing and eager for her first assignment.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

OK Apprentice, brace yourself, this is your first request from PANEL BOARD MAN!

On February 27th from 6-9pm at the Region City Mall the fifth annual Ultimate Mix Challenge will be taking place! Our special intelligence office tells us that a gang of substance abusers will be there looking to cause trouble at the event! The secret plan is to pick up one of the 3 or 4 panel X5-100 display board models at around 4:00 from the Health Cave on February 27th. From there PBM will secretly make his way to the Region City Mall and intercept the gang by setting up the best, most colourful, eye catching display that will no doubt make all substance abusers feel guilty and never ever, ever, ever abuse any type of substance or cause trouble again! Upon completing this mission PBM plans to take the X5-100 home and have a nice relaxing weekend with it. This mission promises to be very taxing and the X5-100 will no doubt need a well deserved rest. PBM will return the X5-100 at exactly 8:24 on Monday, March 1st safely to the Health Cave.

CONFIDENTIAL PBM AGENDA
-pick up 3 or 4 panel board at 4:00 on Friday, February 27th.
-return panel board at 8:24 on Monday, March 1st.

Thank you for the work that you do in aiding PBM to rid the world of poor displays!
Over and out.

Panel Board Man

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And so the torch passes to The Apprentice.

PBM I know I have left you and all well presented displays in good hands.

Don’t be nervous Apprentice.
Upon completion of your first successful mission you will experience the euphoria of keeping poor displays and trouble makers at bay and will hence look forward to future calls from the ever vigilant PANEL BOARD MAN!!!

Thoughts and prayers from an appreciative public are with you.
Good luck to you both!

Almighty

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The level of responsibility passed on to me is overwhelming.
Due to the sensitive nature of this event it would appear we must approach this matter with the utmost regard for the safety of “Panel Board Man”. I have secured a 4 panel X5-100 in order to accommodate the most informative and biggest display ever. Substance abusers beware!
I will do my best not to let you down.

The Apprentice

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Obviously we chose well.
I feel confidant that PBM will go on fighting bad displays for as long as there are misguided evil doers trying to create havoc for all. The Apprentice has learned quickly of the dangers that could envelope PBM at any time and is not afraid to take the necessary steps to keep him and the organization safe and functioning like the well oiled machine it is. PBM’s back up team is in place and ready at a moments notice to help inform and beautify the world. (or at least Region City).
Evil display displayers beware!!

Almighty

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Apprentice,
I can see that your training has served you well indeed! PBM is confident that there will be zero transition time, rather our missions will hit the ground running! Fear not, you posses the highest level of skill required to keep the daily operations of the Health Cave running smoothly while PBM ventures out into Region City defeating the evil substance abusers and builders of poor displays!
Carry on and remember PMB could not continue in this battle without you!

Panel Board Man

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Well, folks, there you have it. A day in the life of a superhero. It’s a very long day, the tights are uncomfortable; I think we covered that before. Map light, convenient and essential. A lot of working of villain motifs. Crime has a Bossa Nova beat. Leap before you look. Remember denouement. Other French words: inconvenient, nonessential… oh… I could go on and on… But time’s a-wasting and evil’s out there making hand-crafted mischief for the swap meet of villainy. And you can’t strike a good deal with evil. No matter how much you haggle! We don’t need to look for a bargain; goodness is cheap because it’s free, and free is as cheap as it gets.

– DIS-PC SUCKS

Note: Mr. Sucks does realize his monologue is very similar to that of a certain superhero bug.

ALL-MIGHTY,

Panel Board Man’s ‘panel-sense’ is tingling’. I have a sneaky suspicion that St. Mike’s is in need of a sparkling display! Therefore, I am submitting this request for an extra special panel board for November 19th, 20th and 21st. This special panel board will be picked up at 8:30am on the 19th and returned to the ‘Health Cave’ in the afternoon of the 21st or the morning of the 24th.

Thank you once again from Panel Board Man.

It is always an honour working with you in order to rid the region of poor displays!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Panel Board Man!

Good to hear from you, knowing how busy you have been in your quest for eye-catching and informative displays and eradicating poor ones.

I have the perfect display board for you. The 3–panel blue X3! Clean lines, bright colour and will fit in most vehicles.

I have booked it for you from November 19 – 24, although it needs to be back early on the 24th as another of our ever supportive group needs it on the 24th to educate the public on not only information but to show displays pleasing to the eye.

Be prepared to pick up this board by the elevators on the morning of the 19th, and Godspeed in your pursuit of quality displays.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, brave soul.

~ Almighty ~

Almighty,
Well, they are a pretty alert gang. Real street wise I’m told. I think I will plan a sneak attack with a stealth like three panel attack board! (with your approval of course)
PBM

*~*~*~*~*~

Dear PBM,
Of course that fiendish group will be waiting for something outrageous and will retaliate in kind. Once again you have shown a wisdom beyond your tender years. You will win the day be stealth and ingenuity. I give you the 3 Panel board with pride!

~ Almighty ~

While I cannot claim to be one of the current authors of this saga, but rather a historian, a chronicler, a public relations type to bring this true-life gripping saga to international attention through this forum, I hope to someday soon don my Panel Board Man secret decoder ring and assist this crime fighting team.

For now I remain your humble servant in keeping you up to date on this, the Continuing Adventures of Panel Board Man.

I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon! As warm as bathwater! We are superheroes; we don’t have time to be charming! The boots of evil were made for walkin’! We’re watching the big picture, friend! We know the score! We are a public service, not glamour boys! Not captains of industry! Keep your vulgar moneys! We are a justice sandwich. No toppings necessary. Living rooms of Canada, do you catch my drift? Do you dig?

Sure, Gravity is a harsh mistress but you don’t fight destiny, no sir… and you don’t eat crackers in the bed of your future! Yes, destiny has her hand on my back, and she’s pushing! Hug your destiny!! Oh, what a goofy work is man. Y’know, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can’t let the package hide the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don’t cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspapaer of justice! Bad dog! Bad dog! And you don’t do it for money. No! You do it for love! You know, I’ve learned something… on justice and on friendship, there is no price. But there are established credit limits.

Panel-Board Man, let your journey into hugeness teach us all a lesson. Absolute power is a sticky wicket. Some of the best things come in small packages. But large things can’t! Unless they’re inflatable, or require some assembly, or unless they’re hearts. Yes, giant, juicy, loving hearts! As big as the moon, but much, much warmer!

Villains, I say to you now… knock off all that evil! Thank you Panel-Board Man, for inspiring us all…

Sincerely,

Dis P.C. Bytes

PBM –

With this particular group of colour blind cut-throats I have for your use, should you choose to accept it, a 4 Panel Board. More powerful than the 3 panel boards when used under the correct circumstances. However, if subtlety is called for than a grey 3 panel board is available for your use.

Please send your reply via the usual secure information line, carrier pigeon. If however the flying finch has gone to roost, e-mail will work as well.

– Almighty –