COWORKER: If one is going to access a new outlook in the office, is it  necessary to excel with a word?

CRIMSON: You have a powerful point there.

COWORKER: Geeee. Thanks. If it’s that good, maybe I should publisher.

CRIMSON: That sounds like a mighty big project to undertake.

COWORKER: We so need to talk.

CRIMSON: If this has to do with Mocky the squirrel doing the buddy flick with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gilbert Gottfried, his agent will get back to you.

COWORKER: Yo Yo Crimson….You jamming around the PH Club today?

CRIMSON: Yes, I will be doing a little dance, makin a little…money, and gettin down tonight (or today rather).

COWORKER: Let me know when you want to go for break?

CRIMSON: All day, does that work for you?

COWORKER: Sounds great.  Oh wait.  That is what I am doing tomorrow.  I am good all morning so just stop by.

CRIMSON: Okay, I will stop by at 15 random intervals for 1 minute each. Or else I will come by around 10:15, whatever the voices tell me.

COWORKER: COOL THE Voices are back.  Remember the golden rule: Do not listen to THE voice that sounds like a dying squirrel that ate too much liverwurst on the trampoline.

CRIMSON: But that’s the only one I have today. He told me his name was Mocky (Rocky’s cousin). I guess I will have to listen to the voices tomorrow then when they change. For today then I will come by around 10:15.

COWORKER: I have told you this a hundred times…DO NOT LISTEN TO MOCKY.  He is just trying to get you to dress in Xena Warrior Princess clothes, kidnap Dr. S and go swimming at the Naturalization site with the catfish.  This is not a good thing to be doing when you have a mortgage.  DO NOT LISTEN TO MOCKY.

CRIMSON: Alright, alright. I can’t swim anyway, it’s just as well. I’m allergic to cats anyway which automatically transfers to catfish as everyone knows so I’m better off not going.

CRIMSON: Q: If a three legged bathtub flew into your backyard, how many flapjacks could you fit onto an umbrella?
CRIMSON: A: 13, because there are no bones in ice cream.

COWORKER: 13 is incorrect.  The correct answer is 1,234,753,478,246,997.  Because, Scooby Snack Ice Cream is most definitely filled with bones.

CRIMSON: Aha! You must have talked to Ali Kalababwa to find out the true answer to that question since it has been the secret of many millennia protected and guarded closely by guardians such as myself and Ali. You must never repeat it to anyone as the fate of ice cream world wide now rests in your hands. Welcome to the fold.

COWORKER: I don’t do folds.  Too much belly fat.

CRIMSON: Okay, well welcome to the guild then. We are known only to a few well placed and powerful individuals (i.e. G. Bush, Q. Elizabeth, B.B. Ghali, The Pope, and Sylvester Stallone) as the ‘Guild of the Sacred Order of the League of the Society of Boneless Ice Cream Secret Protector Guardians’.

COWORKER: I am sorry but I cannot be part of such an elitist group.  I have standards and such an enterprise completely compromises my values.  The absolute fact that you discriminate against Scooby Snack Ice Parlour Enterprises and most especially their renowned Chocolaty Bone Marrow flavour I find revolting.  Quite frankly I am disappointed with your acceptance into such a “guild” and you affiliating yourself with such riff raff. I am off to consult with Ben and Jerry over this insolence.  Don’t even try and stop me.  Or you will feel the wrath of a good lei.

COWORKER: Nicole

CRIMSON: The Major League Baseball Association has launched a new satellite which monitors brain wave activities and for some reason it is interfering in my ability to read minds (I will certainly be lodging a long winded and not well thought out complaint) so I am having difficulty in picking this one up from your brain. I do however (as you well know) have a very active imagination and could come up with about a dozen theories as to the true content that one word is meant to convey but all of them will likely be incorrect. Perhaps you might wish to clarify or expand upon your thought process for me.

CHRONICLER: Panel Board Man Lives!!! On YouTube.

ALMIGHTY: Although he has a new disguise as a Sandwich Board! Clever Panel Board Man!

CHRONICLER: All of us here at the Health Cave are proud of you

PANEL BOARD MAN: Thanks.  They killed me off in the comics so I had to come up with something new!  

My trip is on for Brazil next August and my passport is in the mail. Of course I am still terrified of flying so I will have to take vast amounts of gravol or something to make me sleep through the flight and my demise should that be the case. I really should stop watching ‘Lost’ since has heightened my paranoia about flying to the nth degree.

On a positive note however I have raised $130 is sponsorship so far with 8 months left to go. Woohoo!

Work has been an endless parade of meetings but I like it because I get mileage for travelling and it makes the day go much faster.

Tonight I am taking my mother to an illusionist/majick show, should be fun!

I always feel so safe when unplugging electrical equipment while standing in a puddle of water. Well, at least I don’t have to pay for shock therapy anymore…just kidding!

I came to work today to find out we had a bit of a flooding problem overnight so being the only computer technician here this week I had to unplug a couple of computers that were sitting on soaked puddley (yes, I just made that word up) carpet. Don’t worry, I was smart enough to turn off the power bars first before unplugging so no real danger, just funny. Maybe not for the people who don’t have use of computers now, but for me it gave me my chuckle for the morning. What can you do but laugh?

Of course ten minutes later in the lunch room I spilled a cup of boiling water on my hand. Probably Karma for laughing at the flood situation.

My place of work moved to a new building (for 18 months until we move into a permanent location) and it is now open concept. The managers have offices but the various divisions are all open in a sea of cubicles. Some of the various groups have taken to having little meetings in their area and are pretty noisy. In retribution for this disturbance, since I am the computer tech I am going to send out a notice that anyone who continues to hold these loud meetings will have their passwords changed to include letters, numbers, doodles, sign language and squirrel noises.

There is this fish at my work. It is all alone in this glass bowl in an area where there aren’t really any people just ones that pass by to go to other areas of the building. I feel sorry for that fish. What a freaking lonely existence.