COWORKER (in person): “I am going to download the new antivirus program to your computer in a few minutes so if you see files downloading on your computer that’s what it is.” (returns to his desk)

CRIMSON (via email after noticing files downloading): “Something weird is happening on my computer. There are files downloading on their own. I think I have a virus and better click Abort. ;P”

COWORKER: “Don’t you dare. I’ll fdisk your PC and the f isn’t for format.”

CRIMSON: “Two questions: 1) Is that even legal? 2) Are you going to videotape it?”

CRIMSON (in email to CoWorkers):

“Greetings,

Anyone leaving the gate open will lose their gate privileges. Don’t worry though, CoWorker#1 will be holding a workshop on how to bound over the counter in a single leap.

Materials needed for workshop:
3 cans of Red Bull
(Rock Star or Monster will be accepted as a substitute)

Follow up workshops will be offered at a later date called “Sticking the Landing” and “From Basic Leaping to Leaping with Style”

Thank you”

(via email)

CRIMSON: I am the last bamboo tree in the middle of a panda sanctuary.

COWORKER: I am the lonely bamboo tree’s last leaf staring at a slobbering panda mouth.

CRIMSON: Cheetos ate my Doritos and then the mosquitoes and the bandidos… well… they just weren’t happy about that.  And, I mean really, who would be happy about snack food genocide. Those poor Doritos being wiped out by their cheesy overlords. It really makes you think…hmmm… and then to make matters worse, it doesn’t even seem to matter to the greater global society. Do you see anything about it in the press I ask you? No! Those sensationalistic, rumour mongering, bottom feeding, space monkeys, don’t even see fit to stick at least a two sentence blurb about it even in  The Ladies Home Journal.

 Oh the humanity of it all!!!!

 Can’t we all just get along!?!?!

 Like, really… can’t we…

COWORKER: I am sorry, but I have to agree with the tactics that Cheetos use to enhance their fatty goodness cheesy flavor.  What better way to increase the sticky powdery cheesiness of one’s self than to devour a less superior snack food?

CRIMSON: You madame… are barbaric!

Conversation via email…

COWORKER #1: Is Co-worker #3 in?

COWORKER #2: He just walked into the other building.

COWORKER #1: LOL…You can see him??

CRIMSON: Co-worker #2 has Xray vision. He put it as one of his additional skills on his resume which is why he was hired.

COWORKER #1: He’s Superman!!!!! Now we know!

CRIMSON: Yep, Superman is Kryptalian not Kryptonian like most people believe.

COWORKER #2:  HAHAHAAH lol I’m also part Kryptpolian.

CRIMSON: On your mother’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s uncle’s hairdresser’s nephew’s ex-roomate’s side?”

COWORKER #1: Superman was Polish?? I’m so confused…lol

CRIMSON: Besides the Xray vision, one of Superman’s greatest powers is changing nationalities at will. It gets real fun when he’s Irish since he can’t hold his liquor well.

Almighty: I understand you were moved to another secret location in the PH Cave. More clandestine work for PBM? No need to make up stories…I of all people understand your value and the necessity of keeping you safe. Should your location become known, the possibility of you being kidnapped or harmed is untenable! The threat to the global presentation world as we know it might be too much for PBM to contain! ANARCHY! DEVESTATION! POORLY DEVELOPED AND DESPLAYED PANEL BOARDS!! The Horror.

Chronicler: Certain threats were made by bad-display-type-people so it was felt by those in the highest echelons of authority that I should be relocated to a true cave (aka the basement) and not just a figurative one for my own safety. They have even given the new secret location a code name to throw off such evil doers. It is known by the immensely creative and clandestine name of ‘Training Room 2’. Now I feel confident that I can continue the crucial work in support of PBM’s efforts to rid the world of bad displays everywhere and not fear my safety will be jeopardized.

Long Live PBM!!!

CRIMSON: I will be leaving at 2:30 today for lunch and a dr. appt. I fell and smacked my head pretty darn good this morning…. Hopefully knocked some sense into me.

COWORKER #1: May the force be with you. Coworker #2 and I are pitching in for a helmet for you 😀 Seriously though are you ok?

CRIMSON: I think my IQ went down 20 points

COWORKER #1: is -12 even possible 😀

CRIMSON: It still beats yours…lol

COWORKER #1: yup

CRIMSON: I am just gravity’s byotch today. Gravity and I have an understanding… it doesn’t like me… and I don’t like that it doesn’t like me….

Via Email

Co-Worker: Break at 10:30?

Me: Okeedoke, I will venture forth at the appropriated time and acquire your company as I contemplate life, the universe, and Oreo ice cream.

Co-Worker: Never Oreo, always Rolo.  Oreo’s bits and pieces fragment the universe whereas Rolo ooey gooy goodness holds things together at the core and resonates peace, love and understanding.

Me: *Crimson’s brain implodes from the brilliantly clear logic of Rolo ice cream over Oreo ice cream that she did not fathom in the first place.*

Co-Worker: See ROLO.  Implode into ooey gooy goodness instead of exploding Oreo bits.

Me: *falls to knees and worships Co-Worker who is clearly far superior in intellect when it comes to matters of both the universe and imploding vs exploding*

“All hail Co-Worker!!”

CRIMSON: It is in my calendar and you have access to it if you ever need to check.

COWORKER #1: Calendars are so 90’s

CRIMSON: Were you and CoWorker #2 here just to remind me of your undying devotion to my cult status? I am more famous than Foamy you know.

COWORKER #1: I have an idol made of fusilli pasta in your name

CRIMSON: I will let you know when the collector card set comes out

COWORKER #1: OH YEAH 😀

CRIMSON: But I only do autographs at the semi-weekly fan conventions held in my honour. I think my agent said next weeks are being held in the back parking lot at the Wendy’s in Smithville. Just look for the green dumpster and you will find it.

There should be a warning on electronic labelling devices that reads:

Caution: Never leave a bored computer technician and an electronic labelling device alone together when said technician’s coworker is on vacation.

Sorry CoWorker… I couldn’t help myself…it called out to me like a siren luring a ship into the rocks….

CRIMSON: I am on ADO (accummulated day off) on Monday so you have fun on yours and I will have fun on mine.

COWORKER: I think this is much ado about nothing.

CRIMSON: It is as you like it to be.

COWORKER: In your midsummer night dreams.

CRIMSON: So long as all’s well that ends well.

COWORKER: So long as it ends before the twelfth night.

CRIMSON: Measure for measure, I think that it will.

COWORKER: Sell that to the merchant of venice.

CRIMSON: I can’t he is busy taming the shrew

COWORKER: I think we should leave Supervisor alone now before she bursts a blood vessel.

CRIMSON: Okay, but let me know when it is tem pest nine because I have a cake in the oven…. Ha ha ha. She is probably thankful she is leaving early today…lol.