It’s been quite a break from my last post in large part due to my reaction to the COVID-19 situation. I was never in real fear of contracting it because I took the recommended precautions; it was more the economic fallout and the uncertainty surrounding it that had me spinning. Already being prone to serious bouts of depression and anxiety due to being bipolar it was no wonder it hit me hard mentally and emotionally. So I stepped away from almost all of my activities for the last year. Some of it such as volunteering at fundraising events was due to circumstances but the majority was because I wasn’t in the right head space to do anything about it. That included updating my web site.

I am just now ready to get into my activities again which includes the web site, journaling, story writing, crafts, volunteering, hiking, etc… I am also on day 3 of my Miracle Morning program again which has helped me be more productive and creative. I am hoping to get back to podcasting soon which the plan is to start over since my podcasting partner and I only recorded six episodes before our mutual hiatus. I’ve started journaling with a focus on my ‘Wreck This Journal’ book. It has helped me relieve some of the stress and anxiety with destructive yet creative energy. If you haven’t heard of it, you are missing out. It is a lot of fun trying to wreck this thing and would be a great family project.

So that is it for now, I want to ease back into this. My apologies that the focus wasn’t something more uplifting and motivating but I wanted to be honest about what I have been going through.

Until next time… Look for the rainbows after the storm…

~ Crimson ~

Over on my project blog darklight.ca I listed my 20 goals for 2020 and while I like them all I want to add some fun things that don’t really have a deadline and aren’t necessarily things that ‘need’ to get done. Rather they are things that if time and money allow (and sometimes even if they don’t allow) I will do them just for the joy, fun, and creativity they will bring into my life.

Travel seems to be on every bucket list I have read and mine is no exception. Last summer I traveled to Costa Rica with my son and while Costa Rica wasn’t specifically on my list, traveling to another country outside of Canada and the US with my son was. This year I will be heading to Panama with my daughter and a friend of mine. Some places I would truly love to go are Scotland and England to research my ancestors and visit family, Japan for the history and architecture, Croatia for the national parks, and Greece for the beauty, mythology, and architecture too. There are other places I’d like to visit but those are my top five at the moment. Next year it looks like I may go to California with my daughter and her friend as they go to Coachella and I visit the sites in the area. I also want to go on a road trip to visit the House on the Rock near Spring Green Wisconsin and see other sites along the way.

So aside from travel I want to go parasailing, finish writing a YA book, go back to school for free when I am 65 (if it is still free then), learn how to build things like a deck and pergola, and learn a new language.

I think it’s important to put these things in writing and to look at them repeatedly or they are more likely to fall by the wayside and never get done. There are lots of other things but I will save that for making my board which I will share when it is done.

Until next time… Sometimes the biggest regrets are for the things you didn’t do rather than those you did.

~ Crimson

“Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different.” ~ Indra Nooyi

I was surprised on Friday to find that rumours that I am leaving for another job are circulating at my current workplace. One of my coworkers is moving on to another opportunity and I was asked by a few people if it was true that I was going to the same new job. I am not.

It would be so easy to jump the gun and be angry that someone is spreading false information about me but I choose not to. I know who the source is likely to be and that person has always been one of the kindest, most thoughtful, well-intentioned people I have had the pleasure of knowing.

Instead I choose to believe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding somewhere along the line and this person simply brought up in conversation with the worker who is leaving that we had discussed this opportunity before although I didn’t follow through on it.

I recently rewatched an episode of Smallville (I will not call it a guilty pleasure because it was a fantastic show with lots of important lessons) and in it the character of Lex Luthor says a person isn’t who they were in the last conversation you had with them, they are who they were all along.

This person has always been a compassionate, wonderful role model and I would have never doubted his/her integrity before so there is no reason to start now.

Assuming positive intent is a philosophy I have believed strongly in for most of my life and it has served me well. I feel that assuming negative intent leads to a place of anger, resentment, and loneliness. Not a place I care to live my life.

Not to say I have never faltered but I am a much happier person for believing in this and striving to keep it in mind as I start each day.

Well that is it for today but until next time… Stay Calm and Assume Positive Intent.

~ Crimson

P.S. I am happy to say this is a philosophy that is trained out in my workplace.

I wrote yesterday about my goals for 2020 which is kind of future thinking but I also believe that being in the present is vital. I was able to make my goals by asking myself what was important and what would bring me happiness in the present as I work towards those goals. Yes, when I do accomplish those goals it will be great and make me happy too but the journey of each today is important and should bring joy as well because now is what we have. Now is where we are and who we are now is  essential to our happiness both now and in the future.

We can’t change the past so dwelling on it is a waste of time unless you are seeking out what lessons you can learn so you can apply them to now and move on. I have to admit that for many years in my early twenties I was stuck in the past and let it define who I was. Because I was doing that I wasn’t letting the good things of the moment have any real impact. I was so busy lamenting on ‘what if I had done this differently’ or ‘it isn’t fair that this terrible thing happened to me’ that I was missing out on the life I had in that moment.

I am happy to say that by finally taking charge and seeking out resources that would help me move on my life changed and shortly thereafter I met my husband which also changed my life dramatically for the better. If I had still been stuck in the past meeting him would have been another moment I let pass me by.

So, what is important this very second? I have learned from the past, I am making a happier future, and now is fantastic!

Until next time… breathe and feel this moment with every fiber of your being. Absorb the positive, let it permeate through you and allow the negative to pass on by.

~ Crimson

“People with goals succeed because they know where they are going” ~ Earl Nightengale

This quote resonates with me because when I don’t have any particular goals I tend to flounder and feel adrift and directionless. So this year I am following in the footsteps of Gretchen Ruben, author of ‘The Happiness Project’, and I have set 20 goals for 2020.

I speak about this in episode two of my upcoming podcast, ‘Positively Growing’ and fortunately for me I am part of an accountability group through ‘The Happiness Project Experience’ since I am more likely to achieve my goals when there are external expectations I am trying to meet.

I am going to share my goals here but first I wanted to mention that I have posted them to the walls of my bedroom and our studio where I do my morning routine so that I see them everyday and it isn’t just some ideas in my head I can easily forget about. I am also using Microsoft OneNote as my planning tool so I can create a list of steps I need to take in order to achieve each of these goals. So here they are:

Long Term Goals

1. Read 20 books (including 5 non-fiction)
2. Complete and upload 10 podcast episodes
3. Complete the Happiness Project Experience
4. Listen to a minimum of 1 educational podcast with S each week
5. Watch a minimum of 2 anime episodes with S each week
6. Call or text D a minimum of every 3 days
7. Blog a minimum of 5 times per week
8. Exercise for a minimum of 10 minutes per day when physically able
9. No soda for 1 year
10. Get rid of 5 things from the house each day until it is clean and organized

Short Term Goals

1. Clean and organize studio
2. Inventory books and give away majority
3. Organize digital photos
4. Learn 1 song on guitar
5. Pay off credit cards
6. Make B.O.B for home, work, and car with S
7. Research sewing and make 10 plushies to donate
8. Update personal mission statement
9. Set up pellet shooting range with S
10. Create one raised bed garden and grow peppermint and cucumbers

So there it is. I have put those out for anyone to see. So far I have read 2 books and am almost finished a third of which one was non-fiction, clearly I am crushing my blogging goal, and I am on track with the others. If you know me personally feel free to check in and ask me how I am doing with my goals because the more external accountability I get the more I am likely to work on my goals and achieve them.

That’s it for now and until next time… Goals can be like anchors, if you make unrealistic goals that anchor can drag you down and sink you but if you make realistic and measurable goals that anchor can give you a starting point or home base and keep you from floating aimlessly in your life.

~ Crimson

I finished reading the Miracle Morning and am finishing reading a book I started some time ago called “The Rules of Life”. The book is really about common sense things that we already know but has articulated them into a framework that solidifies what we know intuitively into something we can see and remind ourselves of. The quote in the image (Rule 14) is one where I have room to grow. I mentioned in a previously post how I envy those who are ‘posh’ and ‘put together’ in a fashion sense with the right clothes, the right hair cut, not having mangled fingernails like mine, and the confidence to go with it.

Of course that shouldn’t matter as much as the character of the person in those clothes but being realistic people do make judgments based on the first impression you make and how you look is one of those aspects. How strongly this first impression matters depends on the situation you are in. For example one of my jobs is working in government where those things matter more and my other job is working in a chocolate factory where it doesn’t matter as much.

The lesson I need to learn better is that instead of being envious of others I should be looking to them as motivational tools. I absolutely can be as ‘presentable’ as others, I just need to write down the steps it will take me to get there and make them into goals. I can pick one or even a few people that I specifically feel present themselves well and let that motivate me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not some green eyed monster. I don’t let envy consume me, it is simply something I experience once in a blue moon as the expression goes.

I look forward to delving further into this book and reading those bits of common knowledge that sometimes I need to remind myself of.

Until next time… Envy is a slippery slope that can lead to resentment and resentment just puts barriers up that keep you from seeing the opportunities for growth that may lie ahead.

~ Crimson

 “Where you are is the result of who you were, but where you go depends entirely on who you choose to be.” ~ Hal Elrod

I like to read this quote a lot as a reminder to myself that I have choices and that utilizing that gift of choice is vital to my growth as a person, mother, wife, daughter, friend, colleague, even as a brief acquaintance. The acquaintance one or even as a stranger may seem trivial but in some instances it is critical. You just never know where that person is in their life and the potential impact you can have. I believe it is important that we don’t reserve the best of ourselves only for the people we know and love, we should be our best selves for everyone we encounter.

I finished rereading the Miracle Morning today and plan to go through it a third time (albeit quicker) with a highlighter to highlight the points that resonate with me or that I need to remind myself of. One of which is the above quote.

It is day ten of my new routine and I have to say after driving H to work this morning (at 4:15am!) I was sorely tempted to go back to bed and snuggle with my nice warm blankets but I didn’t and I am proud of myself for that. My short term goal is to complete 30 days and then I will set my next goal.

In addition to Miracle Morning I am taking Gretchen Ruben’s 4 Tendencies course and her Happiness Project Experience course. I chose the option of being assigned to a small accountability group which as an ‘Obliger’ (find out which tendency you are) is ideal for me. Obligers are more likely to accomplish goals where there is an outside expectation rather than internal. It’s been only a few days so I won’t go into detail yet except to say I am happy with myself that I chose to invest in myself. I may have mentioned in a previous post I was all about jumping on a personal growth opportunity when it presented itself to me but now I am actively seeking out those opportunities and putting more value on myself, my growth, and my happiness to spend some actual money on it.

I will keep you posted on how things go and the things I learn from these two courses.

Until next time… you have yourself for the rest of your life, so you can choose to be your own liability or your own asset, personally I choose to be an asset.

~ Crimson

 I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” ~ Carl Jung

“Most people suffer from the self limiting dysfunction “rear-view mirror syndrome” driving through life with their subconscious mind constantly looking in their own self-limiting rear-view mirror. They filter every choice they make through the limitations of their past experiences. Always remember that your potential is TRULY unlimited, and that you are just as worthy, deserving, and capable of achieving everything you want as any other person on earth.” ~ Hal Elrod

I wanted to start today’s post with a couple of quotes that have a very deep meaning and impact for me. I am one amongst the millions, possibly billions, that have had a traumatic past and at one point I was mired in the memories and defeating self-talk that because of what happened in my past I would never truly overcome it and ‘it’ would control my future.

Eventually (with lots of help, counselling, and research) I found my way out of the conscious self-talk and despair but it was always there in the back of my mind, even when I was my most positive self. The insight in those two quotes and others like it helped me realize what I was doing and that I didn’t have to. I could make a life that was free from the restraints and limitations of the past. It was in fact a choice I was making each and every day. I realized and even more important ‘accepted’ that since I couldn’t change the past I shouldn’t let it change me now. It kind of falls in line with one of my personal philosophies which is when my feet touch the floor in the morning I choose my mood, I don’t wait and let others or circumstances choose my mood for me. When it comes to the past I won’t let it choose who I am today or who I will be tomorrow. I choose. I choose every day.

When I fully embraced and believed in that, the sense of freedom was so overwhelming. I was no longer chained to a concrete block struggling to move forward each day. I have to admit that even though I was saying it, it did take me time to truly believe in it, but it did happen. This is not to say I have zero struggles in the present but I have learned that once I overcome one I don’t have to let it become a part of my identity.

If you have a similar background or even if you don’t I hope you too make a choice.

Until next time… I am who I choose to be.

~ Crimson

I posted on my Instagram that my next post was going to be about finding your mission in life, well that was about six or seven posts ago. Here I am though going to share something that had helped me in so many ways, I wouldn’t even hesitate to say it has changed my life. The tool I stumbled across while trying to find a day planner for OneNote is the free Time Planner Template by Dean Gardiner. This tool isn’t simply a day planner, it is a life planner. It helps you figure out what your personal values and core beliefs are and from there to develop a mission statement for your life. When you have that mission statement you can plan your goals accordingly to support that mission. It helps you to say no to the things that don’t align with your purpose and to find the time for the things that do. It brings so much clarity and purpose that it is remarkable. It also has areas for formulating your goals that will support your mission.

He hasn’t updated the site since 2009 but don’t think that it is outdated, you can still download the template and it comes with in depth instructions on how to complete each section and how they relate to each other. Read on for the core values and mission statement I created. There are more sections such as questions to ask yourself daily to make sure you are on track, your daily state of being which are kind of like affirmations, and much more.

Crimson’s Core Values:

1. Happiness
2. Kindness
3. Community
4. Optimism
5. Evolvement
6. Wisdom
7. Creativity
8. Adventure

Crimson’s Mission Statement:

“My mission is to be happy by following my pillars of happiness which are love, kindness, gratitude, community, and evolvement. By practicing these pillars my mission is also to make others happy by sharing love, being kind and grateful and helping to build a sense of community in all that I do that affects others. I will strive to add positivity to the world on whatever scale opportunity provides. I will endeavor to change challenges into opportunities.”

I have found that when you know what your mission is, it becomes easier to focus on what is important and what eats away at your time that you can say no to. I could go on and on but that would make this blog post unbearably long. I simply encourage you to try it out for yourself.

Until next time…missions, visions, and values aren’t just for corporations they are for individuals too.

~ Crimson

Bound(less) – funny how four little letters can completely change the meaning of something.

I have been doing very well with my Miracle Morning routine until yesterday. I have a condition which one of the symptoms is chronic pain. Usually it only last five to ten minutes and I can get through without anyone else even noticing and then there are days like Wednesday where I had to leave work early (in a wheelchair no less) because it overcomes me or it is in a location in my body that impairs me from working. It’s easy to get lost in the depression that follows or feel tied down because I unreasonably see it as a weakness and that I am failing others by not being able to push through and complete my work. I felt even worse that I didn’t do my routine yesterday as I recovered.

This morning as I was reading there was a paragraph that really caught my attention. It described how oftentimes we focus on the points in the day where we find ourselves lacking rather then cheering ourselves for what we accomplished. We see those moments as gaps to our progress. So I have mentally reviewed that day to see the things that I did well and the areas where I had a positive impact in my workplace and I feel much better about it. I may not be able to control the pain I am going through but I can control how I feel about it afterwards and how I see myself. I must be my own best cheerleader (although I have other cheerleaders in my life who are invaluable) and cheer myself that I made it through with a shorter recovery time. I think that shorter recovery time is in part due to the affirmations I make to myself and the mindset I have chosen when it comes to challenges.

It is not always an easy lesson to keep in mind at the time but it is a vital one to remind myself of regularly.

Until next time… focus on the positive, cheer yourself on and you will turn those gaps into stepping stones.

~ Crimson