(regarding little flying bugs that are haunting the dying plant on my desk)

(via email)

Crimson: CoWorker 1, The more I kill them the more they reproduce, not because it is the nature of their species but in order to spite me. I have left a dead one on my desk as a warning to those other heathen bugs.

CoWorker 1: CoWorker 3 is away so I will cover Intakes today.

CoWorker 2: I can assist.

Crimson: I will cover outtakes, spittakes, meatsteaks, and vampirestakes.

CoWorker: hey do you have lunch plans?

Crimson: Become a billionaire by 12:30, but other than that, no.

CoWorker: cosco??

Crimson: Sure. 🙂 I have to stop by a bank machine though since I gave you all my money for lotto… That billionaire thing is obviously not working out too well for me

Coworker 1: Where is Coworker 2?

Crimson: In a meeting.

Coworker 1 [jokingly]: But he isn’t that important.

Crimson [laughing]: Well he is now.

2 minutes later Coworker 2 returns

Coworker 3: Coworker 1 was looking for you.

Coworker 2: Did he say what he wanted?

Crimson: No but he had a knife, a plastic cooler, and an IV bag.

CRIMSON (to coworker via email): I got my file today. I am jealous, you have really nice printing. Mine looks like a blind monkey smoking crack used its tail to write.

(via email)

Crimson: Is it possible to have the list of lists in alphabetical order now that we have so many lists to make it easier to find the list we want?

CoWorker: I was wondering that myself. I am not sure how to change it but I will look in to it.

Crimson: If you can do that, I will mime carving a statue of cheese in your honour.

CoWorker: Okay, its done.

Crimson: I took a picture of the completed statue for you. I think you will appreciate the level of detail.

(via email)

Coworker #1: Hello Everyone, Please send any agenda items you may have to me by 4:00 today. Thank you.

Crimson: World domination. That is my agenda.

Coworker #2: Well, I want Universe domination… so there!!!!!

Coworker #3: I will settle for any domination….

(via email to)

Crimson: It’s lotto time. Pay up. I know where you work and so does Guido.

CoWorker: Does Guido accept e-transfers?

Crimson: Guido accepts cash or blood.

Via email…

CoWorker #1: CoWorker #2 Is at 110 Main St on a service call

Crimson: Sparkly ninja squirrels ate my bologna sandwich when I left it unattended to get some chocolate. Little hairy freakish Suckers! They didn’t get my chocolate!!! Jokes on them.

CoWorker #1: What!?

Crimson: That’s what they said too!

Via email…

CoWorker: Crimson we’re all pitching in to collect some donations for you so you don’t have to sell any more blood to feed your family deli turkey this Thanksgiving. Please know, we care. ;P