Via email….

CoWorker: I figured it out. The printing issue that is. LOL

Crimson: Awesome. Let me know when you figure out Erdos conjecture on arithmetic progressions.

CoWorker: Ummm, are you swearing at me?

Via email…

CoWorker #1: We received back the white copy of our 3 part form for the file you requested. We didn’t receive the pink copy back. If it’s a permanent retrieval we need to receive both the white and pink copies back stating that you are keeping file.

Crimson: I probably missed it but I didn’t see on the forms to return the pink one if the file is being pulled permanently so since we weren’t returning it I put the pink form in the confidential shredding.

CoWorker #2: Crimson, Crimson, Crimson…..whatever are we going to do with you? Shredding of all things…..I’m speechless…really totally at a loss for words……you know there was once a time when bla bla bla………..kidding of course.

Crimson: I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of papers suddenly cried out in terror and were shredded. I fear something terrible has happened.

Crimson: I set my balls on my desk.

CoWorker: Is it okay if I touch your balls?

Crimson (answering phone): IT servicedesk.

Caller: Ummm. I think I might not have the… ummm… I would like to apply for childcare subsidy.

Crimson: Sorry, this is IT support.

Caller: Yes, childcare support.

Crimson: Sorry, I mean IT support as in computers, we provide technical support for computers.

Caller: IT Support? Okay, but I need to apply for childcare subsidy.

Crimson: I’m sorry but we only provide computer support.

Caller: Okay then could you tell me how I apply for childcare support?

(via email)

Crimson: You remember that soy milk I gave you back in June or July? It’s still in the fridge and I am afraid to go near it because it has probably solidified and gone quite rancid. Should I call Hazmat?

Coworker: Omg!!!!!!

Crimson: You’re saying I shouldn’t call Hazmat, I should call God???

Coworker: Yup. Whichever deals with non dairy… Buddha ?

Crimson (typing, typing typing):

CoWorker (who sits in cubicle in front of me): Hey Crimson, when does the book get published?

Crimson: Huh?

CorWorker: Sounds like you’re typing a book back there.

Crimson (chuckles): Actually I am writing about the weather. (sends via email to CoWorker)

Dear Diary,

Another Monday at work. But at least it is a four day week and it isn’t too busy because a lot of people are on vacation this week. It looks like we will get no snow this week and maybe a little bit of rain with above freezing temperatures. Yay! Usually this time of year it is about –8 degrees Celsius and right now it is +8. Woohoo! I am sure we will get slammed in January and February though with snow storms and ice but I will enjoy the nicer weather while it lasts.

CoWorker (sends back via email):

Dear Diary,

I got into another drunken stupor last night and only recall flashes of having group sex with a trapeze artist and some circus midgets. Oh well, at least the weather’s nice ?

Signed,

Desperately seeking sobriety

Crimson & CoWorker#1: (discussing physics, the relation of space and time, bending of space, how time moves slower the faster you move, etc)

CoWorker #2: I took a little blue pill once and found myself beating on a cow bell for an hour once, does that count?

Crimson: I think that was the wrong ‘blue pill’ (laughs). Did you happen to see the letters LSD stamped on it?

CoWorker #2: No, that’s what confused me.

Crimson: I think he took it rectally

CoWorker #1: Yeah, that’s not how it’s rectumended.

CoWorker #1: Here you go CoWorker #2 (hands over replacement tablet PC since previous one died).

Crimson: CoWorker #1 promises it will be much more efficient this time… this one will break down 50% faster.

Crimson: (answering tech support call) Servicedesk, Crimson speaking

Caller: *crunch* *crunch* I am getting an error that my certificate is invalid *crunch*

Crimson: Could I please have your computer name?

Caller: *crunch* I don’t see it *crunch* *crunch*

Crimson: Would you like me to call back when you’re finished eating?

Caller: *Crunch* Oh sorry (silence)

Crimson: If you look at the top bar of the window you will see the number

Caller: *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* I don’t see it *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH*

Crimson: I’ll give you a call back when you’re finished.

Crimson: Looks like the annual bowling tournament isn’t just Department1 anymore, it is now Corporate wide. Looks like CoWorker #1 will have to brush up on his skills now.

CoWorker #2: That’s okay CoWorker #3 is good too.

Crimson: CoWorker #1 is the Scott Pilgrim of the bowling world though.