I am part of this internet group that performs random acts of kindness for each other (mostly mailing things people like). I enjoy sending things but some of the people on the list drive me nuts. All they do is complain about how terrible things are for them and how sick they are. Okay, I do have sympathy for illness but for god’s sake people try putting something positive in there! For every complaint add two good things. And I don’t really want to hear from someone I don’t know how their rectum is swollen along with their colon and they had to have an enima and doped themselves up for back pain.

Crikey!!!

On a positive note, my motivational package is almost complete. It is all homemade stuff (so ya, not top quality, but it is from the heart) including magnets, postcards, a bookmark, and labels that all have motivational quotes. I just want to come up with one or two more items before sending a bunch out.

Positive comment #2: My feet don’t smell (which they don’t usually).

Hope I look as good when I am 43. Anyway, I am going to the Canadian National Science Fiction Expo next Saturday and will get a chance to meet him and get his autograph. I have always liked him and his character Spike from Angel/Buffy and didn’t find out until about a year ago that we have the same birthday. Cool.

I spent a couple of days traipsing about cemeteries around central Ontario. No, not a fetish or goth thing..lol. I was doing some geneology research with my mother and taking pictures of headstones of various family members who passed away in the 1800’s and 1900’s. That portion of my family lived quite a long time. Most of them were in their 80’s and 90’s when they passed on. Good to know. Someday, when I am not so terrified of flying and have bundles of cash lying around, I will get to England to do some of the research there.

Today I am off to a comic book store to see what goodies they might have and tomorrow it is to Toronto for a volunteer meeting for the Expo.

The diet is going very well and I am 50% of the way to my target. Yay. A lot of people will be quite suprised when I go back to school. Oh ya, and I had laser surgery for my eyes and the results are awesome!!!!

I have to stop reading sad books when I know how much they affect me when I am in a low curve. Last night I read “Suzanne’s Diary to Nicholas” by James Patterson, which is a huge departure from most of his other books like “Kiss the Girls” and “Along Came a Spider”. Anyway, after finishing it I had to go to the grocery store to pick up some things and I cried all the way there and all the way back because of this story. Thankfully I was able to maintain some composure while in the store at least. It had me depressed all night and even thinking about it chokes me up a tad.

Not to worry though friends, I am feeling quite better today and it was a really good book if anyone is interested in reading it.

Another book that I read a short while ago that was REALLY good was “The Lovely Bones” by Alice Sebold. She writes the story from a very unique and interesting perspective.

Next on my list is “Lost” by Joy Fielding. The fictional story takes place during the Toronto Film Festival which is what piqued my interest being a Canuck and all.

The diet is going very well, I have lost 37 pounds in less than two months…hurray!!

Well, my Psychology of Learning class is starting soon so I have to be off. Last week the classroom was infested with ants, which is odd since we are on the third floor.

Another old entry that is probably amusing only to myself…lol. As a note about it, it turned out to be gallstones and I had my gallbladder removed. Now if only I could have a good portion of my a** removed…hmmm….

Date: 2002-03-15 12:10
Subject: Captain Montezuma and the Puke Brigade
Security: Public
Mood: sick
Music: Office radio music..sounds like The Beach Boys

Well I managed to get my essay done and it is actually one of the best essays I have ever written. Grace under pressure.

I am still quite ill and I have warned my co-workers to stay away from my desk if they know what is good for themselves as my stomach problem seems to have some interesting side effects. They seem quite compliant. Perhaps I will settle it with a nice infusion of chocolate. That ought to make me feel muuuuuuch better.

Let’s see what unprofound thoughts can I muster up today (mainly to entertain myself). How about the format of my postings here. No, I don?t’ expect that some large audience is going to find my silly writings very prolific or even an audience of more than three but I have chosen the format of writing to an unseen unknown yet adoring public. So, my few friends here reading this gibberish, please bear with me, I am suffering from delusions of grandeur. Possibly another side effect of my upset tummy. Ya, ya, that’s it! Captain Montezuma and the Puke Brigade made me do it.

Well, my non-existent hoards of fangirls and fanboys I must bid you adieu and the lavatory a fond familiar hello. The chocolate theory did not work so well.

This BPD (bipolar disorder) is really driving me nuts. It is crazy how you can feel opposite emotions at the same time. I can feel calm and panicked at the same time, depressed and extremely joyful, melancholy and exceedingly optimistic. Logically this seems impossible but it happens and is truly an unpleasant thing to deal with.

I have been dealing with this for years and have avoided mentioning it in my journal as most people don’t really care to read about depressing stuff and it seems like I am whining. I think however I can use this as a little bit of a release.

There are people in my life who are sympathetic and loving but unless you feel this way, you can’t really understand what it is like.

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with it and is having a hard time dealing with it, actually more with the fact that it will never go away. I hope I can help her deal with the realization, but it is so different for each person.

Well, that is all of my wallowing for today.

Just a few updates today:

On the 20th is my five year anniversary and I will be heading to visit friends up north. One of them I haven’t seen in twelve years as she has just recently returned from British Columbia and we just got back into contact with each other recently. The funny thing is she has been looking at going back to University and decided on one. It turns out it is the same one I am going to and she is even applying for the same program. We may end up having some classes together. How crazy!

The next day I fly out to Quebec City for my cousins’ wedding. I am pretty nervous about flying as I watch too much tv and let it affect me (Lost is my favourite show) due to the moderate paranoia I tend to have. Thus the anxiety level is pretty high so I will have to take a half dozen Gravol to knock me out. Of course I will probably sleep through and end up in Bangladesh.

I am taking a spring course at school about the Psychology of Learning. It is quite fascinating and has tons of reading but I can’t wait to finish as it is taking up a lot of time and I don’t get to see my family two days a week.

I have a friend redesigning my web site and I can’t wait to have it up. He has done an amazing job!!!

The Dr. Bernstein diet is working amazingly. I had put on a lot of weight when I was pregnant with my son (and before) and couldn’t get it off but now it is coming off quickly. I feel very energized and more like how I used to be. I have been very selfconscious and have had poor self-esteem but it is starting to get better.

Well that’s anough for now, Seacrest out…I mean Crimson out.

Okay, so an update on me since it has been quite awhile….

I am back at work after my wonderful matenity leave. I really like my job and the people I work with but I would much rather be at home with my kids. In fact, I would much rather be stinking rich and never have to work again. Okay, keep the rich and leave out the stinking.

My littlest one had bronchiolitis and was on ventilin every four hours for a week. I ended up getting bronchitis from it all and passing that on to one of my friends. At least no one can say I don’t give.

I just finished my drama course at university and have enrolled in a spring course. A psychology course about learning, particularly learning in non-human animals. This means I will have a better understanding of half the people I come across each day.

My allergy to fragrances which started during my pregnancy has not gone away and in fact has gotten worse. At least I have an understanding boss who is trying to help in anyway he can. We now have a sign on our office door which basically says ‘if you are wearing perfume etc.. then bugger off’. Of course it is worded in a much more PC way than that.

I bought a new plant. It is called a money tree. So far it is not living up to its promise. Hopefully this one won’t die the horrible, horrible death all my other plants have. Plants truly fear me. I once got a mini cactus and it died in a week. Cacti are supposed to be one of the sturdiest plants. I took care of it exactly as instructed and it still died. Maybe it knew it belonged to me and decided dying would be easier. Some people have green thumbs, I have the black thumb of death.

Well that is it for now, I am sure I will think of something I left out later and post again when I remember.

So this is my last day of a carefree eating lifestyle full of a crapload of fats, carbs, starches and sugar and anything else that is bad for you.

Tomorrow I start a medically monitored diet (Dr. Bernstein’s if any of you know it).

I beseech you all, pray for me, pray I have the willpower and strength to see this through. Pray that the fluid flowing through my veins changes back from chocolate to normal blood and that my caffeine addled brain does not implode from withdrawel.

The good news: Last night I went to see some Japanese Noh Theatre, which was very interesting.

The bad news: There are few times in my life where I have ever felt this physically miserable. I have a massive cold, swollen tonsils, a migraine, and both of my eyes are infected. It is very difficult to even see to type and the only thing I can swallow is a few millilitres of water at a time.

It wasn’t too bad when I went out last night but by the time I got home I was so miserable, my head and eyes hurt so much I was crying on my hubby’s shoulder (which I told him to wash right away lest he get the eye infection too).

But truly I am blessed since there are others who have things way way worse than me. However, I do still feel sorry for myself a tad.

I don’t know what people who saw me last night were thinking, as I did get a few strange looks. I think the fact that the whites of my eyes are no longer white but rather a bright flaming red might have something to do with it.

You know that song by Baz Luhrmann (amazing director by the way) and Mary Schmich, about the sunscreen. They knew what they were talking about.

I went on holidays over a week ago and sunburned my feet so bad I couldn’t walk for several days (well I could, but the screams of agony tended to wake my family up in the middle of the night as I tried to trek to the washroom). This would be pretty rough in a normal situation but being 8.5 months pregnant and having to go to the loo every 10 minutes really stretches out the torture. This weekend the skin had changed from a brilliant red (which my little one said reminded her of Pinchy the lobster from an episode of the Simpsons) to a mottled purple that reminds me of the skin of a cadaver after long exposure to the elements. Of course that led to the skin peeling and blood and more pain.

I am still not able to wear shoes which poses a bit of a health and safety risk at work but it is either that or stay off sick.

So, the moral of this story…take damn good care of your feet and wear sunscreen!

“Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now….”