Quote: “Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest taken between two deep breaths.” — Etty Hillesum
Music: Better Sleep App – ocean and a calming humming music sound
Mood: Anxious
Grateful For: Cute stuffed animals which may be a seemingly immature thing, but they always bring a smile to my face and lighten my mood.
Act of Kindness: Helped a friend register for her next college courses.
Goal: Remove another 5 things from my house and 5 from my car. Clean top of end table since I ran out of time yesterday. Help DS to login to his course (tried Saturday but ran into issues).
Other: I decided to not complete my psychology course and just take it over again. Yes it is a loss of money (again) but I feel better just focusing on the two remaining courses. I have another two starting tomorrow which overlap the first two by two weeks. One is a desktop publishing course which I am really excited about.

Quote: “Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.” – Jackie Chan

Music: Better Sleep App – ocean and a calming humming music sound

Mood: Detached and anxious

Grateful For: Coworker S whose bright personality always makes me feel a little better and cared about.

Act of Kindness: Helped someone yesterday through submitting an expense claim.

Goals: Remove 5 things from my house and 5 from my car. Clean top of end table since I forgot that goal yesterday. Continue psychology homework. Help DS to login to his course.

Other: My homework right now is on schizophrenia and what those afflicted with it go through is heart breaking. It is partly why I am feeling anxious because I wish there was something I could do to help. It is a reminder to view those suffering from mental health issues with a compassionate lens and be kind and caring.

Quote: “Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.” – Walter Elliot

Music: Instrumental movie soundtracks playlist

Mood: Tense and detached

Grateful For: Technology to assist with my goals, especially writing. I can only hand write for very short periods of time.

Act of Kindness: Buying a card and gift card for a coworker who is moving to a new position.

Goals: Remove 5 things from my house and 5 from my car. Start psychology homework. Ride exercise bike for 14 minutes. Clean top of end table.

Other: I have decided my word of the year is ‘persevere’. The quote above was shared with me by my Supervisor after I told her what it is. There is a lot I have to get through this year and a lot of areas where I have to really go out of my comfort zone. I have another great coworker who is a great role model for that as she pushes herself often to go out of her comfort zone and it inspires me. Anyway, I will need a lot of perseverance this year.

Quote: “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” ? Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Music: Better Sleep App – ocean and a calming humming music sound

Mood: Hopeful

Grateful For: Having a support network even if I don’t always reach out to them when I am struggling. Just knowing they are there helps.

Act of Kindness: Sent a crocheted ’emotional support pickle’ to a coworker a few days ago just because I thought she might get a chuckle and find it cute. Work is stressful right now and I thought it might put a little bit of light in her day.

Goals: Homework – I have been slacking due to depression and seasonal affective disorder. I won’t likely pass but I can check anyway to see if it is possible. Also, get rid of 5 things from my room and my car.

Yep, it’s that time again. My somewhat annual post so it seems. How does time fly by so quickly? Every time I see the date of my last post here I want to grab time tightly in my fist and slow it down. There have been some precious moments lately that I just hope I can hang on to. Milestone birthdays, graduations, new opportunities, overcoming challenges, they’ve all had roles to play over the past year and I am grateful for each one.

Speaking of roles to play, I took lessons from a local improv group and took part in an evening showcase at a café and while I wasn’t on stage long it was something I had challenged myself to do. I thoroughly enjoyed the classes and will hopefully take part again next winter.

The reason I have to wait until winter is because I interviewed for and was accepted as a member of a Community Emergency Response Team which has training dates in the fall on the same evening I was taking my improv classes. I’ve missed being part of the search and rescue team I co-founded and when this opportunity came up I jumped on the chance. I may not be as physically fit as I once was but perhaps this will incentivize me to work on that.

DS turned 19 and graduated high school the same week. He has learning disabilities that affect his ability to read/write, perform mathematical calculations, give his time and spatial awareness issues and a few other things so we couldn’t be more proud of his accomplishment. He also worked at a co-op in rough carpentry with a construction company which is his career goal. We are hoping that the contacts he made there will result in a full time job during construction season.

I moved into the role of President of the Toastmasters Club I belong to and have lots of ideas and goals that I hope come to fruition. I took over as President yesterday so we shall see how it goes. The other club members are all very supportive and have so much to offer as well. It is a fun group and I am looking forward to all of us developing our skills together.

There are other developments that have happened over the past year but I will save them for my next post.

Until next time… “Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.” – Walt Whitman

~ Crimson ~

It’s been quite a break from my last post in large part due to my reaction to the COVID-19 situation. I was never in real fear of contracting it because I took the recommended precautions; it was more the economic fallout and the uncertainty surrounding it that had me spinning. Already being prone to serious bouts of depression and anxiety due to being bipolar it was no wonder it hit me hard mentally and emotionally. So I stepped away from almost all of my activities for the last year. Some of it such as volunteering at fundraising events was due to circumstances but the majority was because I wasn’t in the right head space to do anything about it. That included updating my web site.

I am just now ready to get into my activities again which includes the web site, journaling, story writing, crafts, volunteering, hiking, etc… I am also on day 3 of my Miracle Morning program again which has helped me be more productive and creative. I am hoping to get back to podcasting soon which the plan is to start over since my podcasting partner and I only recorded six episodes before our mutual hiatus. I’ve started journaling with a focus on my ‘Wreck This Journal’ book. It has helped me relieve some of the stress and anxiety with destructive yet creative energy. If you haven’t heard of it, you are missing out. It is a lot of fun trying to wreck this thing and would be a great family project.

So that is it for now, I want to ease back into this. My apologies that the focus wasn’t something more uplifting and motivating but I wanted to be honest about what I have been going through.

Until next time… Look for the rainbows after the storm…

~ Crimson ~

Over on my project blog darklight.ca I listed my 20 goals for 2020 and while I like them all I want to add some fun things that don’t really have a deadline and aren’t necessarily things that ‘need’ to get done. Rather they are things that if time and money allow (and sometimes even if they don’t allow) I will do them just for the joy, fun, and creativity they will bring into my life.

Travel seems to be on every bucket list I have read and mine is no exception. Last summer I traveled to Costa Rica with my son and while Costa Rica wasn’t specifically on my list, traveling to another country outside of Canada and the US with my son was. This year I will be heading to Panama with my daughter and a friend of mine. Some places I would truly love to go are Scotland and England to research my ancestors and visit family, Japan for the history and architecture, Croatia for the national parks, and Greece for the beauty, mythology, and architecture too. There are other places I’d like to visit but those are my top five at the moment. Next year it looks like I may go to California with my daughter and her friend as they go to Coachella and I visit the sites in the area. I also want to go on a road trip to visit the House on the Rock near Spring Green Wisconsin and see other sites along the way.

So aside from travel I want to go parasailing, finish writing a YA book, go back to school for free when I am 65 (if it is still free then), learn how to build things like a deck and pergola, and learn a new language.

I think it’s important to put these things in writing and to look at them repeatedly or they are more likely to fall by the wayside and never get done. There are lots of other things but I will save that for making my board which I will share when it is done.

Until next time… Sometimes the biggest regrets are for the things you didn’t do rather than those you did.

~ Crimson

“Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different.” ~ Indra Nooyi

I was surprised on Friday to find that rumours that I am leaving for another job are circulating at my current workplace. One of my coworkers is moving on to another opportunity and I was asked by a few people if it was true that I was going to the same new job. I am not.

It would be so easy to jump the gun and be angry that someone is spreading false information about me but I choose not to. I know who the source is likely to be and that person has always been one of the kindest, most thoughtful, well-intentioned people I have had the pleasure of knowing.

Instead I choose to believe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding somewhere along the line and this person simply brought up in conversation with the worker who is leaving that we had discussed this opportunity before although I didn’t follow through on it.

I recently rewatched an episode of Smallville (I will not call it a guilty pleasure because it was a fantastic show with lots of important lessons) and in it the character of Lex Luthor says a person isn’t who they were in the last conversation you had with them, they are who they were all along.

This person has always been a compassionate, wonderful role model and I would have never doubted his/her integrity before so there is no reason to start now.

Assuming positive intent is a philosophy I have believed strongly in for most of my life and it has served me well. I feel that assuming negative intent leads to a place of anger, resentment, and loneliness. Not a place I care to live my life.

Not to say I have never faltered but I am a much happier person for believing in this and striving to keep it in mind as I start each day.

Well that is it for today but until next time… Stay Calm and Assume Positive Intent.

~ Crimson

P.S. I am happy to say this is a philosophy that is trained out in my workplace.

I wrote yesterday about my goals for 2020 which is kind of future thinking but I also believe that being in the present is vital. I was able to make my goals by asking myself what was important and what would bring me happiness in the present as I work towards those goals. Yes, when I do accomplish those goals it will be great and make me happy too but the journey of each today is important and should bring joy as well because now is what we have. Now is where we are and who we are now is  essential to our happiness both now and in the future.

We can’t change the past so dwelling on it is a waste of time unless you are seeking out what lessons you can learn so you can apply them to now and move on. I have to admit that for many years in my early twenties I was stuck in the past and let it define who I was. Because I was doing that I wasn’t letting the good things of the moment have any real impact. I was so busy lamenting on ‘what if I had done this differently’ or ‘it isn’t fair that this terrible thing happened to me’ that I was missing out on the life I had in that moment.

I am happy to say that by finally taking charge and seeking out resources that would help me move on my life changed and shortly thereafter I met my husband which also changed my life dramatically for the better. If I had still been stuck in the past meeting him would have been another moment I let pass me by.

So, what is important this very second? I have learned from the past, I am making a happier future, and now is fantastic!

Until next time… breathe and feel this moment with every fiber of your being. Absorb the positive, let it permeate through you and allow the negative to pass on by.

~ Crimson

“People with goals succeed because they know where they are going” ~ Earl Nightengale

This quote resonates with me because when I don’t have any particular goals I tend to flounder and feel adrift and directionless. So this year I am following in the footsteps of Gretchen Ruben, author of ‘The Happiness Project’, and I have set 20 goals for 2020.

I speak about this in episode two of my upcoming podcast, ‘Positively Growing’ and fortunately for me I am part of an accountability group through ‘The Happiness Project Experience’ since I am more likely to achieve my goals when there are external expectations I am trying to meet.

I am going to share my goals here but first I wanted to mention that I have posted them to the walls of my bedroom and our studio where I do my morning routine so that I see them everyday and it isn’t just some ideas in my head I can easily forget about. I am also using Microsoft OneNote as my planning tool so I can create a list of steps I need to take in order to achieve each of these goals. So here they are:

Long Term Goals

1. Read 20 books (including 5 non-fiction)
2. Complete and upload 10 podcast episodes
3. Complete the Happiness Project Experience
4. Listen to a minimum of 1 educational podcast with S each week
5. Watch a minimum of 2 anime episodes with S each week
6. Call or text D a minimum of every 3 days
7. Blog a minimum of 5 times per week
8. Exercise for a minimum of 10 minutes per day when physically able
9. No soda for 1 year
10. Get rid of 5 things from the house each day until it is clean and organized

Short Term Goals

1. Clean and organize studio
2. Inventory books and give away majority
3. Organize digital photos
4. Learn 1 song on guitar
5. Pay off credit cards
6. Make B.O.B for home, work, and car with S
7. Research sewing and make 10 plushies to donate
8. Update personal mission statement
9. Set up pellet shooting range with S
10. Create one raised bed garden and grow peppermint and cucumbers

So there it is. I have put those out for anyone to see. So far I have read 2 books and am almost finished a third of which one was non-fiction, clearly I am crushing my blogging goal, and I am on track with the others. If you know me personally feel free to check in and ask me how I am doing with my goals because the more external accountability I get the more I am likely to work on my goals and achieve them.

That’s it for now and until next time… Goals can be like anchors, if you make unrealistic goals that anchor can drag you down and sink you but if you make realistic and measurable goals that anchor can give you a starting point or home base and keep you from floating aimlessly in your life.

~ Crimson