My D is in her first year of Air Cadets and I volunteer doing administrative type duties. I am hoping to apply to become a Cadet Instructor once I have volunteered enough hours and then eventually become an Administrative Officer. There is some monetary renumeration for the work but I would then have to start wearing a uniform again and polishing boots. Eeek!

It can take up to a year for the entire application process. Now, I just have to hope I can pass the medical. 🙂

COWORKER #1: They have a new chef in the cafeteria.

CRIMSON: Yeah, from the McDonald’s School of Culinary Arts

COWORKER #2: They’re serving pork with cabbage today.

CRIMSON: What’s wrong with that?

COWORKER #2: That’s the soup.

COWORKER: I love LOLCats

CRIMSON: I think from now on we should answer all tech support calls in LOLCats language.

CRIMSON: CoWorker #2 is smiling, I think he is up to something.

COWORKER #1: CoWorker #2 is always up to something. The only time he isn’t up to something is when he is sleeping.

CRIMSON: And even then he is probably dreaming about being up to something.

NEW COWORKER: I can create files on my network drive now and my car isn’t on fire in the parking lot. This has been a good first day so far.

Random list of things I have a strong aversion towards…

1.) Chihuahuas
2.) Cockroaches
3.) Attics
4.) People sitting or walking closely on my left side
5.) Anyone other than S touching my face
6.) The colour orange
7.) Peanut butter and chocolate mixed together
8.) Touching raw meat
9.) Vomiting
10.) Perfume/cologne/scented lotions
11.) Flying
12.) Anything slimy
13.) Beer
14.) Pocket lint
15.) Dying
16.) Worms
17.) Malt vinegar
18.) Hillbillies
19.) People invading my personal space
20.) Tarantino movies
21.) Mushrooms
22.) Doing housework
23.) The number 23
24.) Stupid people

– Rush music playing in the background –

H: Mom, is that too loud?

H’s 82 year old mother: What?

H: Is that too loud?

H’s 82 year old mother: What?

H: (louder) Is the music too loud?!

H’s 82 year old mother: (louder) What?!? I can’t hear you.

H: (even louder) IS THE MUSIC TOO LOUD!?!?

H: (shows me how his toe nail fell off because a new one grew underneath)

CRIMSON: Ewwww, now you’re a circus freak!!!!

– an hour later –

S: Mommy, do you love me as much as the circus freak?

COWORKER: This is not a train yard and I am not a hobo.

CRIMSON (in a letter of appreciation to a coworker):

Dear CoWorker,

Over the last two years I have borrowed a total of 15 staples. I finally got my own stapler so here are the 15 staples back. Thank you for your support and understanding during my multiple stapleless crisis’ over the course of our working relationship. The consideration you have shown for those less fortunate when it comes to office products does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. In fact we held a party in your honour on April 31, 2011 (sorry we forgot to invite you) where we toasted your upstanding and moral character into the wee hours of the morning. Also, we named a wooden bridge (that some refer to as small and dilapidated but we fondly think of as a quaint handyman’s dream) in the former Thailand province of Terengganu after you (the local cattle seem to enjoy the bridge since it joins two small grazing fields together).

Again, thank you for all you do.

Sincerely,

Crimson Myst

P.S. The local village and local government in Terengganu don’t know we named the bridge after you so it isn’t an official name change but we thought you would appreciate the thought just the same.

COWORKER (sending return letter of appreciation):

I do appreciate that fact, but would like to express my admiration for your own accomplishments.

I understand that the village agriculturalists developed, through a long process of hybridization, a genus of tree that produces tons of fruit, but only requires a small area to grow. The trunk never exceeds 2” in diameter. Ironically, the fruit produced is a large and juicy apple that provides four servings – not just one! One of the major factors in its development was the insertion of small staples along the length of the trunk during its second year of growth. The village elders told me that you kindly provided these for them. As a result, the most recent version of the hybrid was named after you: “Greenus gaunti crimsoniis”, the first 2 words being, of course, an anagram of the name of the village itself. You are thus immortalized forever.

Sincerely,

CoWorker Esq.