Via email…

CoWorker #1: CoWorker #2 Is at 110 Main St on a service call

Crimson: Sparkly ninja squirrels ate my bologna sandwich when I left it unattended to get some chocolate. Little hairy freakish Suckers! They didn’t get my chocolate!!! Jokes on them.

CoWorker #1: What!?

Crimson: That’s what they said too!

Via email…

CoWorker: Crimson we’re all pitching in to collect some donations for you so you don’t have to sell any more blood to feed your family deli turkey this Thanksgiving. Please know, we care. ;P

Via email….

CoWorker: I figured it out. The printing issue that is. LOL

Crimson: Awesome. Let me know when you figure out Erdos conjecture on arithmetic progressions.

CoWorker: Ummm, are you swearing at me?

Via email…

CoWorker #1: We received back the white copy of our 3 part form for the file you requested. We didn’t receive the pink copy back. If it’s a permanent retrieval we need to receive both the white and pink copies back stating that you are keeping file.

Crimson: I probably missed it but I didn’t see on the forms to return the pink one if the file is being pulled permanently so since we weren’t returning it I put the pink form in the confidential shredding.

CoWorker #2: Crimson, Crimson, Crimson…..whatever are we going to do with you? Shredding of all things…..I’m speechless…really totally at a loss for words……you know there was once a time when bla bla bla………..kidding of course.

Crimson: I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of papers suddenly cried out in terror and were shredded. I fear something terrible has happened.

Crimson: I set my balls on my desk.

CoWorker: Is it okay if I touch your balls?

S: Just becasue I’m not a hippie doesn’t mean I can’t have a poncho!

Crimson (answering phone): IT servicedesk.

Caller: Ummm. I think I might not have the… ummm… I would like to apply for childcare subsidy.

Crimson: Sorry, this is IT support.

Caller: Yes, childcare support.

Crimson: Sorry, I mean IT support as in computers, we provide technical support for computers.

Caller: IT Support? Okay, but I need to apply for childcare subsidy.

Crimson: I’m sorry but we only provide computer support.

Caller: Okay then could you tell me how I apply for childcare support?

Son (playing Angry Birds): Take that piggies! Whose mighty now?!?!?! That’s right! I am! Muahahaha!

Note 1: Yes he actually did the evil laugh. In fact he’s pretty good at it. He used to do it when he was a baby. Is that odd do you think?

Note 2: If you know my son, you know he is actually one of the sweetest kids there is…

(via email)

Crimson: You remember that soy milk I gave you back in June or July? It’s still in the fridge and I am afraid to go near it because it has probably solidified and gone quite rancid. Should I call Hazmat?

Coworker: Omg!!!!!!

Crimson: You’re saying I shouldn’t call Hazmat, I should call God???

Coworker: Yup. Whichever deals with non dairy… Buddha ?

H: S you gotta go in your bed now.

S: (half asleep) Wait.

H: Wait for what?

S: I’m doing something (laying still with eyes closed).

H: Doing what?

S: I have to lay here and then do something and then go to bed.

H: Go to bed honey.

S: Be quiet