The research I have been doing on druids has led me down several interesting paths. Today it has brought me into the realm of things goth and gothic. I never really understood this subculture even though I stood on the fringes from time to time but the information I have found can sometimes be quite contradictory. Maybe I don’t understand them because they don’t understand themselves. That seems like a sweeping general statement though.

Sleep to think. Think to sleep. Insomnia.

The Sanctum of Cathbad – This web site is by someone that I was friends with a long time ago but with my moving and other stuff we drifted apart. I have this reocurring dream that I have had since I was a child and I once described it to him. One of the rooms in my dream fits exactly a room in the house he grew up in. I just thougth I would post it since I am wroking on an e-zine article on druidism.

http://www.wildideas.net/cathbad/

There seriously is not enough time in the day for me to do all the things I want to do. I need my mind and body to function properly with only two hours sleep a night so that I can get everything done.

I am quite happy and pleased today, not for any reason, actually for no reason at all. Although I did buy a nice blouse today with the ruffly cuffs I have admired so much on one of my co-workers.

She and I have discovered we have much in common. She and I and a few other friends are going hot air ballooning on the 17th, they think if I had my way I would bungie jump from the balloon.

How does one my age have a mid-life crisis. All the adventure and thrill seeking has got to be coming from somewhere. We are actually looking to see if there is a place nearby that has fire walking. Can you imagine it? The white water rafting filled me with such a rush of adrenaline that I haven’t felt for a long time. I want more.

And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”

Monty Python, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Lester Burnham (Last line): I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. Don’t worry, you will someday.

American Beauty

Here is one thing I sometimes wonder about, which I would think contemplate more except that it makes my head spin trying to comprehend it.

The universe. It has no end. Can one really comprehend infinity. How long is forever? Picture the universe in your mind, reach out to what you picture as the edge of the universe. What is beyond that edge, there has to be something. And what is beyond that? If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? What new territory is it annexing?

It truly boggles my mind.

Being a Leo I am naturally or rather astrologically inclined to desire to be the centre of attention. It is hard for a ‘true’ Leo to accept that he/she is not destined for greatness and if I have one lesson that I am meant to learn in this life, it is humility. I like to be better than others at certain things, I like to be the ‘expert’, I like others to come to me for answers, so that slice of humble pie sometimes sits like a week old danish in my stomach.

In my defense, I am aware of the problem and as they say (the infamous ‘they’) recognizing there is a problem is the first step. But it isn’t the only step. I have a long road to travel towards my destination. Wish me luck.

I am in a contemplative mood today. The problem is, I don’t know what to contemplate. My mind is drawing a complete blank.

*sits idly for eons, staring blankly at the computer with an occasional blink being the only indication that she is not comatose*

*pulls out sock puppets for inspiration*

The one on my left hand here *wiggles hand* is Maria, the one on my right hand is Tony *Tony takes a bow*.

*In a clear, pretty voice reminiscent of a songbird, Maria begins to sing*

“Tonight, tonight,
Won’t be just any night,
Tonight there will be no morning star.
Tonight, tonight,
I’ll see my love tonight,
And for us stars will stop where they are”

*Tony joins in and they sing in concert*

“Today the minutes seem like hours.
The hours go so slowly,
And still the sky is light.
Oh moon, grow bright,
And make this endless day endless night,
Toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiight”

*Maria and Tony both take bows and then Crimson puts them back on her feet*

I am at work and there are chocolate brownies on the desk next to mine calling me.

*Crimson* *pause* *Crimsoooon* *longer pause* *CRIMSON!*

I am trying to ignore them but it is hard for me to ignore chocolate particularly when I am salivating like Pavlov’s dog. Some kind soul left them for everyone to share, but I must be strict with myself, I must exert my willpower.

*Crimson, here girl, come here, partake of my chocolatey goodness*

I was slim most of my life until I had my little girl, since I had her I have been up and down, right now I am up, fighting the good fight against temptation. Our father/mother/goddess/divine entity, who art wherever you are, lead me not into temptation, deliver me from brownies, chocolate, ice cream, candy and other sugary substances. For thine is the size 7, the willpower and the glory, Forever and ever eat well. Amen.

*You know you want me*

I will eat my fruits and veggies. I will eat my chicken and fish. I will eat my low fat grains. I will drink my skim milk. I will eat smaller more frequent portions. I will. I will. My will.

*Crimson, NOW!!!*

Sorry brownies, power of will I have over thee.

I would love to make this journal a voyage of intellectual monologues, discussion and deeply profound thoughts but frankly I am not that intellectual and too self concerned to really be profound. It will contain some of my most private thoughts which some will likely feel it reflects a part of them and others might think I am totally crazy, some of my thoughts and ideas do get way out there. There are many things I wonder about and would love for you to share your thoughts and views on these things but please don’t bash myself or others. Be blessed with light and joy.